RIP Paul

A boy died this week. no he didn't just die, he killed himself. he hung himself from a tree. I had him in my art therapy class a couple of years ago and saw his drawings and long stories he wrote to go with them in his journal. he was very quiet but you could tell how smart and creative he was. and also you could see how sad he was. and very cute with his amerasian face smooth and golden and his beret and ruffled shirt. was he questioning or was he a trend setter or was he much more than either. he did not want to talk about his father or about home but he would talk about his goal to go to college. he was taking a community college class but he wanted to really go to college. and he did. he got into suffolk and moved into a dorm. he said he wanted to even join a club in college. but then he died. we don't know what went wrong. maybe he was sad all the time even when he was looking to all of us like such a success. how can we know what to look for when our young people seem to be succeeding but are really hiding sad sad inner lives. there may not have been any way of knowing paul would kill himself. but there may have been someone who guessed. I wonder what needs to happen so that when you guess, when you have a feeling someone might hurt themselves you, we can jump and help in some way. tell others. raise a red flag. hide all the rope and guns and pills and bridges and tall buildings and cars and knives and keep the children alive. please let me know. please let everyone who knows people who might be sad know what to do and how to know. I sure don't know, no know no.

fuzzy head, quiet night, the UD

Munir Bashir's Art of the Ud plays softly my head winds down.
study, stress at job, eyes straining at the little screen, twitching eyelids.
all can drift a tiny bit for a few hours now.
the sweetest time is night when
work is done
a wonderful book awaits
all is quiet
I can lie down and let it drift
for a short time.
right now no responsibilities find me
right now there is no job
there is no class
no assignment
right now only the ud
and i
slowly
softly
wind
down

post brain burn

what is a headache anyway? it wants to rule your day, infect everything in it and color it lime green and grey. So why can you meditate it away but one edgy sound and it comes screaming back? i thing it starts with a pinch, then travels up a snag and settles in where there's a cramped hollow. You have to be very careful to keep everything perfectly even and alligned with no rough edges. everything in soft focus peach with rounded sides. no sharp corners. maybe with warm water poured all over. slowly slooshing back and forth with low slidey melody slooshysliding back and forth over the eyes and the back of the head and around and up again. or ice pushing at the pulse points and numbing the eyes and neck and cooling down all the thoughts and feeling until numbbbbbbbbbbbbbb and all better. until the next snag and pinch and sharp scuttle.